A Heart that is Healing Yet Feels Lost...

...And what does one do with a healing heart yet a heart that is also feeling torn and tattered as this rose above. The rose, at least in my eyes, still retains great beauty, yet it is bruised and torn in places. A heart can be so fragile and for this so many put up walls around the heart...as a fortress. Yet, love is so amazingly beautiful, it is one of our greatest gifts bestowed upon us. Why do so many pass it by or have a set way of thinking of how love ought to be or how it ought to become into fruition... 

I have healed in so many ways yet now new wounds have been inflicted upon this heart and I must learn a new way to heal, salve, and give my heart the love it needs when I am wanting the comfort of another human being. I am wandering this planet in a world of my own and in a shock of returning to Western ways. 

I took a chance and opened my heart to love once again...only to have to leave it behind. My heart is beating inside of my body, feeling intense sorrow, yet it is also somewhere else. It is in another country and in the chest cavity of another man who now has moved on with his heart for the pain of  my leaving shut his heart down...

Now is the time for me to truly love me, care for me, and of course, I shall give my love to others...and once again hope for that day to reenter my life...my heart...my entire being... 

I am a woman in love with love for a man and for all of humanity...All my love to each and everyone of you all....

Trying to Make the Flowers Grow...

I have a few moments before I leave for an appointment and I have been longing to write yet...life circumstances often can get in the way. So before I depart, I wanted to write at least a few words to share with all of you my most wonderful and beloved readers. 

I have learned since returning from Mexico, how quickly life changes. What once was alters or disappears altogether...so what I am attempting to do is make some new flowers grow. Old flowers shed their immense beauty, fade, and then disappear...and then comes the time within its cycle for the new blooms to appear. What glorious beauty this is, yet in the meantime, the bulb, the seed, the roots are replenishing and renourishing so that a beautiful flower in all its splendor can be born anew...

My love to all of you...nourish and renew, Maria

Maria Juarez Beam (Boheme)

When the Heart & Soul Become Set Free...

WOW! I am struck...I now know why my mother wanted me to go Guanajuato, Mexico, the land of my grandparents and my ancestors; to save me from my heartbreak and from my bleeding soul. Yes, the soul does bleed and when it does, I truly believe it can take you to your grave. My mother, my Guanajuato, my Mexico and all of it's splendor saved my life. 

I may not be able to finish this writing tonight for I am low on battery power, but I knew I needed to allow this river  of words within me...begin to flow. A body can fall apart and if you have read much of my writing, you well know that I have had my share of this. Yet, what I now know, is that my intense heartache, which led to a soul soaked and dripping in blood is what truly needed to bathed in the healing waters of salvation. 

One of the most impactful stories that my mother told me was the story of Mario Lanza, a famous opera tenor and an actor in the 1940's & 50's. I remember intensely her asking me if I felt that anyone could die from a broken heart. I needed to pensively allow this question to enter my mind, my heart, and my soul. As a young girl, I certainly had experienced heart break...I answered her with a "yes, mom, I do believe so. She then explained the intense love Mario had for his wife, she died and then he died from his immense pain within his heart...this was so very powerful for me to hear and has never left me. I often wonder as to why my mother felt the need to share  this with me at such a young age. A mother, a good mother, can sense what type of  child she has and she will do all she can  to guide her path...even after their death.

Mama, I love you so much. I miss you, but you are within me as a guiding and a protecting light full of love for your daughter. I thank you my mama...

I do have more to write, but need to stop now and hopefully within the next few days I will find my charger.

All my light and love to you my most beloved readers, Maria

Maria Juarez Beam

Boheme