This is what I am doing...
I am just about finished going through what is left of my life... behind...
And I simply needed to stop and share...
There is not much left of what I had...mostly the love and memories within my heart...
Yet, what is left, and what I will take with me, still bring me to my knees in tears...
Old birthday cards from my husband Brian passed, telling me how much he loves me and he couldn't ask for better...
How we will be spending the remainder of our lives together...
He is not here...only me...I still yearn for him to be at my side...
I don't know if that feeling will ever go away...if anyone truly knows how much his leaving this planet at the age of 42 has dented and impacted my heart...
Cards and pictures of my sons, grown men now...
Yes, I know that they must lead their own lives, but I never imagined we would be so far apart, it is so painful to have everyone either gone or so far away...
Cards from my mother...I truly miss my mom...if I say much more about her right now, I'm afraid those tears will cascade and I have to get back to my packing...(I shall write about my beloved mother Guadalupe Landeros Juarez Beam in a post just for her)
Cards from friends past, reminding me how much I made a difference in their lives...
Remembering friends and times, my beloved University of the Pacific and Humphreys...And all of the amazing people who have touched my life these past 51 soon to be 52 years...
If my heart could only explain all of this pain as I pack for my new life...
Setting out in this world...what feels like...alone...
Right now, it is just so hard to keep the tears from streaming feeling as if...I am leaving everything behind me...
I shall love my beloved Mexico and whatever lies ahead of me in my future...
For now, I must take each day, each step, moment by moment...
I thank you so for allowing me to share for this is one way for me to keep carrying on when I feel so little left...
I thank you for allowing me to express my pain, my grief, my sadness, my anger, whether it be my own personal or pain for the world...
My love to all of you my dearest readers of BeamthelightBetheChange...You keep giving me hope to Beam my light and Beam my love...Muchas gracias con todo de me corazon...Maria
Maria Juarez Beam
Maria Juarez Boheme Beam
Musical Selection: The Fugees: "Killing me Softly"
I chose this song because I feel as if I am hearing the song of my life being sung deep in my heart...
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