Beam the Light Be the Change...?

I founded, my blog, beamthelightbethechange, with the premise of, "if I shine the light, there will be change." As you can see by the name of my blog, my last name is used, Beam. I wanted to be a beam of light, to help usher in light, and shed truth, and thus bring change.

I truly believed in this. I truly believed in the great power of light, love, and truth. Now, I am not so sure. Yes, I still believe strongly in light, love, and truth, but shedding it, expressing it, and living it, has begun to leave me in a state of jadement. 

I believed that everyone has good in them, and that, everyone can change if they wish. Yet, after nearly 60 years of being on this planet, reality is hitting me in the face. 

I've lived through some of the most tumultuous times, in one of the most tumultuous places of change, the San Francisco Bay Area, during the 1960´s. The era of "free love, the "hippie movement (I was a hippie myself), the antiwar movement, civil rights movement, gay rights movement, the American Indian take over of Alcatraz Island in San Francisco, the Farm Workers movement with leader Cesar Chavez, and so much more.

I would like to note, that the part of the San Francisco Bay Area, that I was born and raised in, was the East Bay. The East Bay was rather different than other parts that surrounded the beautiful San Francisco Bay. We were not the "affluent," part of the Bay Area. It was upper, middle, and lower middle class, to the very poor. We had Oakland, the birthplace of the infamous Black Panthers. A group I highly admired and admire. You had to be a little bit tougher to be an East Bay person, that is if you were a part of the movements, a person of color, and the family of middle to lower middle class, and of course, of the poor.

During the sixties, we as a country, experienced the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, and Robert Kennedy. All so very intense and so very tragic. 

As a nation, we also, had the Vietnam War waging, along with the aforementioned events; the antiwar movement, the civil rights movement, the feminist movement, the American Indian Movement, the Cold War, and a great shift in politics was beginning to emerge, beginning with the assassination of our President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

All of these events had a great impact in shaping the person that I am today, as well as my father. He was a great influence upon who I am, being a top Union Labor Leader, a Korean War Veteran, and a man with high ethical values. Watching my father in action, made me believe in the good in people, even through the times that we lived in.

Today, I am feeling rather weary with the state of the world, and the state of humanity. All of my life, beginning, at a very young age, I always did something to be involved, for the collective good, for the world. From filling my piggy banks that I would buy in Tijuana, México to buy toys for the poor during Christmas, to volunteering for Special Olympics, to taking my sons to "Clean the Beach Days", to attending many a march and protest in San Francisco for various causes, to attending forums and lectures regarding local and world events, to my writings in my blog, etc. etc.

I am uncertain, that shining the light, is bringing about much change. I go against the grain, that is for certain, and there are so many, who believe that my truth is rather insane. I honestly do not care what people think of me, nor of what I believe, for in my heart and in my soul, I know my truth. 

I hold, many socialistic values, bordering on communistic values. I abhor selfishness, greed, lying, and in burring one's head into the sand, to war, injustice, poverty, privilege, privatization, to the stock market, to politics, and of all its dirty realities. 

My world has been affected by other peoples bad actions, my relationships, my health, and my overall happiness in life. Yet, I find a way to make through this world without holding blame and keeping my head high for I know who I am.

I am unable to speak to my own children, because, they belong to an entity of the United States, that commits some of the most serious crimes on earth, the United States Military. My beliefs, my past actions, my writings, prohibit me from having a relation with them.

I have lost the love of my life, not only due to lies, deception, and deceit by others, but also, because of the filthy drug war in México, that the United States government, not only began, but also funds with money and arms. A war that has turned a lovely and peaceful country into a war zone in many of its states and towns, Many people have been killed, have disappeared, and live with death and fear daily. (I must note, that México is still a beautiful country, that has a rich and amazing culture, but I also see, sadly, its dark side as well.)

I know that there is still good out there and that there are still many a good people, but they are rarer to encounter in these days. Even with friends, with family, it can be a very lonely world, if you are in need. 

I never imagined, that I would become to feel, the way that I feel, in what all that I have expressed. I certainly am not attempting to bear my pessimism to bring you, my wonderful readers, down. I am bearing my pessimism, and my great sadness, and disappointment, because I need to clear it from my heart, from my soul, and from my mind. 

I will continue to write and hopefully, I will return to that person, who was so optimistic about humanity before. We shall see with time. It is going to take you, to make the changes that we need in this world today. It is going to take you and it is going to take me. I am battle weary, but I will continue, to BEAM THE LIGHT AND BE THE CHANGE. 

I thank you with all of my heart for reading and for allowing me to bear my sentiments and my soul. 

With great love always,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam

Musical Selection: The Archies, "Summer Prayer for Peace"