Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends [Official Music Video]/For Me...September Never Ends

As the golden hills prepare for the coming rain...

September, still golden, awaits for the promise of renewal...

And, sometimes, for some people, that renewal lies awaiting...

Waiting for the rain to drench away all the pain...

I am still awaiting for that day to come...

I said, that I would begin to write about war...

This is my beginning...

It is not the end...

I have stated, that the ending of war is my mission in life...

It has been for a very, very long time...

And, as we all, very well know, I have not been successful...

But, I shall not be deterred...I keep my mission alive...

I nearly titled this, "The Tears are Running Down My Cheeks...But I Can No Longer Feel Them...

Then, I watched the video to this song, and I felt those tears again...

My own personal experience with war...

Begins in my heart...began in my home...

The day that my only two children, my sons...

Said, "mom, I know what I am going to do with my life..."

They both joined the United States Armed Forces...

I am not much different from the young girl in the video...

With the exception, that I am the mother, and not the girlfriend...

Yet, it hits just as hard...if not harder for a mother...

A mother, since she was a young girl, knew that war was wrong...

Wore her hippie skirts and always stopped the fights at school...

The woman, who marched in the streets, countless times, before the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq...

When her boys were only young...

She did not want hers, nor any others, to go off, and fight another, senseless war...

Still, nearly 20 years later...we are there...

My children have been there...

September, never ends for me because...

Since the day my boys left...

I have still yet to see their faces...

The faces of the ones I loved so much...

That I nursed...

That I read to at night every night...

That I walked to school...

That made sure they had all I could give...

And, many of their years, I did it on my own...

I question myself all the time...

Why? What could I have done to prevent this...?

My husband died while they were young...

So, I used to say it was because of this...

Yet, ten years later, with no communication for so long...

It must have been me...

So, I begin my series on war with me...

With the pain, that I live with, every single second, of my life...

With every breath from my body...

With every tear, that I can now feel, running down my cheek...

Thank you for allowing me to share,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)

Dirty Dancing - Time of my Life (Final Dance) - High Quality/I Have Been Blessed...

I watched this film the other night and trust me, it had been YEARS, since I have watched it. It is fabulous indeed!

It is a great film to watch if you get the opportunity, oh, parts may be cheesy, but ya know what, we need some cheesy these days!!! :)

I have loved deeply, so deeply, that I have been blessed. I never knew my heart could feel the way it did when I loved to the "point of madness." It was purely amazing, to fully plunge, into love without fear. 

I was blessed, to have this love for over three years of my life, but the love remains in my heart, for all of eternity. For I know, with every single cell, of my body, that he is the other half of my heart. That is why now, that he no longer is at my side, half of my heart hurts so much, that I can literally feel the physical pain of it.

It has been a struggle, but I am getting to a place, that I can still love him and have all the memories of the magnificent love that we shared together. I pray he is happy and healthy. I miss him so much in the physical plane, but he lives on in me, in the stars, in the sunset, in everything.

I am healing and this is good. This movie helped me and this song especially, for "I had the time of my life," and I have been blessed.

Healing and love to you,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme) 

E.L.O (Electric Light Orchestra) All Over The World

I LOVE THIS VIDEO AND SONG!!!

It is incredible and it makes me soooo happy to watch it.

Remember the days when we moved around freely, the streets and shops were full, and people were not masked nor afraid to be close to another? 

Look how happy we were. We can have that again. It just takes us...it takes all of us, moving out of fear and moving into a new frame of mind. I am not saying that is not going to cure the ills of the pandemic, but it will certainly get us out of it faster. 

I stay inside because of my health, and also, I don't like to see everyone, masked and social distanced. I don't like it and I think it wrong. My personal opinion. But it is what is...so, when I have the strength, I dance. I dance in my house all alone and it feels good!!!

Dancing gets those happy hormones flowing. So if we can't be dancing all around the world, outside...then in the meantime, dance inside! If you can't dance, then dance inside of yourself. I have to do that many times while I am listening to my music. I want to dance, but when, I have not the strength, so I am dancing in my mind and in my heart. 

Let us not forgot where we were once upon a time. It is so easy to get stuck in what is happening today. We have got to move forward somehow and get back to a better state of humanity than ever, ever before. We can do it...ALL AROUND THE WORLD!!! 

Sending you that peace and love,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)

Elton John - Healing Hands

In this time, of the "pandemic," we need each other more than ever...we need healing hands...

There are people around the globe suffering and yet, apart, from the closest around them, and medical staff, are able to use their healing hands...

But, everything is so sterile, cleansed, not the human touch...

What is happening everyone...what is happening...?

Cuba has a treatment but the world focuses upon vaccination...

I have my thoughts and feelings about this entire situation with the Covid, but I shall keep those thoughts to myself...

What to me, now is the most important, is that we do not forget, during these times is our humanity, our healing of hands...

Our global community and not just our own family...

We see everyone as precious and valuable...

And we reach out the best we can pandemic or no...and do what we can to make all suffering of this planet become less and less each and everyday...

Thank you for reading and I hope you do some healing even if you simply plant a flower, write a letter to someone incarcerated, call a friend you have not spoken with for so long, there is so much we can do with our hands, even during this pandemic.

Love and healing to all,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)

George Michael - One More Try/Only When I Am Ready...

I recently discovered something about me...

I am not quite not ready to let love in again...

This is a healthy thing indeed...

As many of you know, my heart is broken...

I am doing my best to mend...

I share on this blog not only to get the pain spoken...

I share also, so that I may help at least one...

If only one person, my love and hope I send...

I had the opportunity to let love in...

I could have loved this man...

Yet, I realized, that in order for my heart to heal...

My own heart...I had to win...

I am not very happy inside right now...

So, how can love, that I give to another, become real...?

I cannot look for happiness, without...

It must come from, within...

I have to touch, and win my heart, with a seal...

A bond, that locks it to myself, always...

Then one day, I will be able to give it...away...

Love is our greatest teacher...

Love is our greatest joy and our greatest pain...

Love can, make the sun shine, into a perfectly rainy day...

It can also make, the darkest of skies, fade...

Each love that I have had...gave me a lesson...

My last love, gave me the, greatest...

He taught me that I must be, brave...

Brave, enough to go it alone...

That I can, for me...be the best...

My love for him...

His love for me...

Did not turn my heart into stone...

Rather, his love truly set me free...

Yes, he was my greatest teacher...

I shall forever be grateful to him...

I shall also forever miss this man...he...

He is ingrained upon my very soul...

I will no longer, go out on a, limb...

Just to be with someone...

So, that, I will not have to walk alone...

No, I shall hold my head high...

As I am walking and feeling the warmth of the sun...

Knowing, that my teacher taught me much...

That being with me is more than enough...

Become your own best friend and love...

Love always,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)

Come Sail Away Lyrics Styx/ An Illusion of Me...

I am only an illusion of me...

Of the woman that I used to be...

Not only the loss of love, romantic love...

But also loss of a life I once had...

I have radically changed over these past months...

I no longer feel as if I am heard from above...

I had so much faith and now it is so sad...

That my faith is just a faint ember left in the hearth...

My heart is so heavy with hope that feels lost...

This illusion of me that wonders and no longer sparks...

My sons...oh my sons why have you abandoned me...?

Why have you forgotten the mama that gave you so much love...?

We had so many good times that outweighed what was so sad...

I no longer can envision your sweet faces...

For I have not looked upon them for far too long...

My tears that flowed as a river...

Now only flow within...

For my tears have dried...

There are no more tears to cry...

Only those that lie inside...

The life I envisioned for myself...

My husband at my side...

My children, my grandchildren...

Family and friends...

Are only jars of dreams...

That are dusty upon a shelf...

I had so much strength and joy before...

And now it is fading with each day that passes...

That illusion of me is just that...an illusion...

What in this life has for me in store...

I do not know and I no longer dream or hope...

For a life I would like to have...

I have all the material comforts that life can give...

But, this is not what makes life real...

I am starving for what brings joy...

I am starving for what makes one really live...

So, I listened to this song of my High School days...

And, remembered so many great times...

So, I want to sail away...

I want to be my captain...

I want to find new shores...

That will make a transformation happen...

To bring me back to a sense of peace and joy...

A sense of purpose...a sense of being needed...

So, I say ships ahoy...

I will climb aboard to sail the seas...

And bring back...not an illusion...

But, the real of me...

Sending to all great love and affection,

Maria Joan Juarez Beam

Thank you for reading...

Fleetwood Mac - Silver Springs (Official Music Video) My Haunted Heart

I am not certain, as to why, my heart is hurting more now, than it has before...

In that space, where my heart, is suppose to be...

Only feels like a wide open door...

Pain swirling in and pain swirling out...

I only feel, as if, I am only a shadow, of me...

A walking shadow that cannot find the dawn...

Inside is empty, no sound, no beat, no shout...

This Holiday Season has passed and I feel like Marley´s Ghost...

Wondering the earth, weighed with heavy chains...

A haunted heart that is moving through endless space...

Love is what makes the heart hurt the most...

You lose it, and it is a burning pain, that remains...

Do you hear my voice in your sleep my love...?

Do you hear my voice when you are at work...?

Do you hear my voice and wonder what that is...?

It is my haunted heart calling to you...a wounded dove...

Will my spirit ever return...I wonder...?

Will my heart always be a captive to his...?

Set me free somehow...set me free...

I no longer want, to only hear in within my heart...thunder...

I want fresh air, blue skies, and free birds...

Once again back within me...

Oh, pitiful haunted heart of mine...

Find your peace once again...

So that you, no longer will, wonder as a shadow...

Become that vibrant person you are and SHINE...

Shine until the end of all time...

With much love to you all,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)