Beam The Light Be The Change

George Michael - One More Try/Only When I Am Ready...

I recently discovered something about me...

I am not quite not ready to let love in again...

This is a healthy thing indeed...

As many of you know, my heart is broken...

I am doing my best to mend...

I share on this blog not only to get the pain spoken...

I share also, so that I may help at least one...

If only one person, my love and hope I send...

I had the opportunity to let love in...

I could have loved this man...

Yet, I realized, that in order for my heart to heal...

My own heart...I had to win...

I am not very happy inside right now...

So, how can love, that I give to another, become real...?

I cannot look for happiness, without...

It must come from, within...

I have to touch, and win my heart, with a seal...

A bond, that locks it to myself, always...

Then one day, I will be able to give it...away...

Love is our greatest teacher...

Love is our greatest joy and our greatest pain...

Love can, make the sun shine, into a perfectly rainy day...

It can also make, the darkest of skies, fade...

Each love that I have had...gave me a lesson...

My last love, gave me the, greatest...

He taught me that I must be, brave...

Brave, enough to go it alone...

That I can, for me...be the best...

My love for him...

His love for me...

Did not turn my heart into stone...

Rather, his love truly set me free...

Yes, he was my greatest teacher...

I shall forever be grateful to him...

I shall also forever miss this man...he...

He is ingrained upon my very soul...

I will no longer, go out on a, limb...

Just to be with someone...

So, that, I will not have to walk alone...

No, I shall hold my head high...

As I am walking and feeling the warmth of the sun...

Knowing, that my teacher taught me much...

That being with me is more than enough...

Become your own best friend and love...

Love always,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)

Come Sail Away Lyrics Styx/ An Illusion of Me...

I am only an illusion of me...

Of the woman that I used to be...

Not only the loss of love, romantic love...

But also loss of a life I once had...

I have radically changed over these past months...

I no longer feel as if I am heard from above...

I had so much faith and now it is so sad...

That my faith is just a faint ember left in the hearth...

My heart is so heavy with hope that feels lost...

This illusion of me that wonders and no longer sparks...

My sons...oh my sons why have you abandoned me...?

Why have you forgotten the mama that gave you so much love...?

We had so many good times that outweighed what was so sad...

I no longer can envision your sweet faces...

For I have not looked upon them for far too long...

My tears that flowed as a river...

Now only flow within...

For my tears have dried...

There are no more tears to cry...

Only those that lie inside...

The life I envisioned for myself...

My husband at my side...

My children, my grandchildren...

Family and friends...

Are only jars of dreams...

That are dusty upon a shelf...

I had so much strength and joy before...

And now it is fading with each day that passes...

That illusion of me is just that...an illusion...

What in this life has for me in store...

I do not know and I no longer dream or hope...

For a life I would like to have...

I have all the material comforts that life can give...

But, this is not what makes life real...

I am starving for what brings joy...

I am starving for what makes one really live...

So, I listened to this song of my High School days...

And, remembered so many great times...

So, I want to sail away...

I want to be my captain...

I want to find new shores...

That will make a transformation happen...

To bring me back to a sense of peace and joy...

A sense of purpose...a sense of being needed...

So, I say ships ahoy...

I will climb aboard to sail the seas...

And bring back...not an illusion...

But, the real of me...

Sending to all great love and affection,

Maria Joan Juarez Beam

Thank you for reading...

Fleetwood Mac - Silver Springs (Official Music Video) My Haunted Heart

I am not certain, as to why, my heart is hurting more now, than it has before...

In that space, where my heart, is suppose to be...

Only feels like a wide open door...

Pain swirling in and pain swirling out...

I only feel, as if, I am only a shadow, of me...

A walking shadow that cannot find the dawn...

Inside is empty, no sound, no beat, no shout...

This Holiday Season has passed and I feel like Marley´s Ghost...

Wondering the earth, weighed with heavy chains...

A haunted heart that is moving through endless space...

Love is what makes the heart hurt the most...

You lose it, and it is a burning pain, that remains...

Do you hear my voice in your sleep my love...?

Do you hear my voice when you are at work...?

Do you hear my voice and wonder what that is...?

It is my haunted heart calling to you...a wounded dove...

Will my spirit ever return...I wonder...?

Will my heart always be a captive to his...?

Set me free somehow...set me free...

I no longer want, to only hear in within my heart...thunder...

I want fresh air, blue skies, and free birds...

Once again back within me...

Oh, pitiful haunted heart of mine...

Find your peace once again...

So that you, no longer will, wonder as a shadow...

Become that vibrant person you are and SHINE...

Shine until the end of all time...

With much love to you all,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)

George Michael - Praying For Time (Official Video)

Just as the beginning of the video states, "Listen without prejudice." It is a brilliant song, and George Michael, himself was incredibly brilliant. This song, could mean different things to different people. So, let this song, into your heart and your soul, and see if you can listen, without prejudice and see how it touches you.

We are living in some very difficult times now, so I do hope, you will take this song with some kind of hope, even though, it may not seem so hopeful. Pray for time, pray for love, pray for peace, and pray for healing...for all, especially with this New Year of 2021 coming in very soon.

Do something to make a difference in some way, anyway, even if it is just within yourself. Try not, and freeze with fear, to reach out. Yes, we have the pandemic, but don't shut yourself completely off from the world, and don't shut others out. WE must be brave during these times. Hug someone without fear! I do it all the time. No one has become ill because of it. Yes, we must be cautious, but so cautious that we don't even hug anymore, that people have to sit so far away from one another, and no longer give the hand of peace to our fellow person!?

I was so saddened, when I watched Midnight Mass, on my Mac, on Christmas Eve. A Cathedral, in Chicago, so large, and it looked so empty, from the social distancing. Midnight Mass, was the thing, I looked the most forward to, during Christmas time. Church was always packed and standing room only, we did not live in fear of being near our fellow beings. Yet, flues and viruses, deaths from poverty, pollution, cancers, Aids, all kinds of diseases and accidents happened daily...ALL AROUND THE GLOBE. WE DID NOT LIVE IN FEAR OF ONE ANOTHER, OF A VIRUS.

I know, I am being bold in what I am saying, but I am saying it anyhow. I don't like to see masks on the photos of everyone, take the mask off for the photo, let me see your face and not your mask. Please. Wear it if you must on the streets, everywhere you go, but please let me see your face. It truly makes me sad to see everyone masked, people distancing, people living in such fear of this pandemic. Life is what it is. We live and we die. If I died of this virus, then that is what I die of. If it is due to something else, then, that is what it will be. I am not afraid.

This song is amazing and I hope it touches you somewhere inside. Give it a chance.

With great love and affection in this coming New Year,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam

George Michael - Heal The Pain (Video) (Remastered)

I let some one in, and so deep inside...

He touched a place, in my soul, that made me come back to life...

He was mine and I was his...giving and sharing love...

Now, he is gone...

Walked out the door just about a year ago...

And, I have not seen him since...

It has been, and is still, a painful year...without him...

He kept me so warm on those cold winter nights...

And, free as a breeze on those warm summer days...

Tears, still well up in my eyes, when I have the slightest thought of him...

OH, how he captured, and was the Captain, of my beating heart...

Now, this heart sails with no one at the helm...

It is healing, this heart of mine, but slowly...

Like ice sickles, slowly dripping away, on a chilly day...

Each drop of melted ice, is one less tear, to cry at night...

I miss him, I miss him terribly...

To let someone in once again...it will be hard...

I want love again, but I wish not, for the pain, that can come, with another break, of the heart...

Is there someone out there, that I could let in, and help to heal the pain...?

Only time will tell as my heart still swells...

So, in the meantime, I am the one whom, must make me happy...

For, I am the only one that can...

Yes, I want love again...

So, I shall fill myself up with it, every day that passes...

I shall heal the pain, well, most of it that is...

Then, perhaps, I can let someone else, in again...!

With great love to you all,

Maria Joan Juarez Hidalgo Beam (Boheme)

Bethlehem Bible College Choir O Little Town of Bethlehem

My hope this Christmas is that this song will truly touch your heart, this Christmas. Yes, feel the joy of Christmas, but also feel the pain of those whom are living in Bethlehem and all of Palestine, who suffer, greatly suffer daily. May they be blessed with freedom soon.