I had been a Stocktonian off and on for the near last 30 years of my life. It was here that I was living when my body had completely fallen apart and it was here that I would return. I believe the picture of the sign I had taken is quite befitting.
Luckily, I had found the perfect home just right across the street from my Pacific, on the backside. The University, in and of itself, functions as its own City. There is not much one would lack for, there is a small grocery, the book store, a movie theater, theater for the arts, plenty of sports events to attend, a phenomenal, socially concious dining hall, with a pub upstairs and all! Also, for the intellectual stimulation, there was always a forum or a lecture that one could attend! All heaven for me. :) It even has its own Police Department. A Department that I have the greatest respect for, for they had helped me out so many times before with my seizure disorder. Oh, and the roses of the campus, how could I refrain to mention the beautiful, breath taking roses! 
So back I was near my beloved Pacific, and near so many, whom I had grown to love during my years while I attended there, and at Humphreys College, also of Stockton. It was at Humphreys that I had received my Associate in Arts of the Liberal Arts. I choose to live, at this time of return, in a really big older, beautiful Stockton home with four other roommates. Let me tell ya, they were all so great! I still keep in contact and I miss them all. All of my 'mates' were either students or former students. Three were males and I can tell you directly from my soul that those three young men had been very instumental upon this leg of my healing journey.
I am going for my evening walk so this shall be continued tonight...THANK YOU!!!
Hello again all, I have returned, and what a lovely walk it was indeed. ;)
Stockton, California, just to give you some background of this part of the globe, sadly gets a really bad reputation not only from the State of California, but also the entire nation. I remember way back when I was 20 and so many people telling me, "Maria, Stockton is a horrible place where so many people get murdered!" I had no fear and I worked in one of the roughest parts of town. I have this philosophy that yes, one must be mindful of one's surroundings, yet at the same time if we live in fear, then that fear is going to show. Of all the years that I had lived in Stockton, I have been blessed with so many gifts and people, that to not have ever moved here due to all the grim statistics, would have been a great mistake of my life.
Stockton, is actually, quite a lovely town. It is not only a big city, it is also a large farming community. There is the most beautiful Delta that runs through and all around the town. It was home to the Miwoks and the valley was once full of elk, bear, and so much more of the Delta. The Miwok Native Peoples had what was called, "An Acorn Economy."http://www.cabrillo.edu/~crsmith/anth6_formative.html
www.ecocomposite.org/native/UseOfAcornsForFoodInCalifornia.docSimilar
Stockton, during the California Gold Rush, was quite the stopping point from San Francisco up to the "Mother Lode Gold Country." There are many older charming homes and neighborhoods and an eclectic mix of many races and peoples. And, to be quite frank, people are just, at least to me, darn friendly. :) I shall include a link if you so choose to learn more about Stockton, California History.
http://www.visitstockton.org/about-stockton/our-history
So, with all of that said, here I go on with this part of my healing journey...Oh, my dear goodness, I surely was hoping to finish this writing tonight, but I can feel myself becoming quite sleepy, and it is very important for me to take advantage of my time of sleep...for it is during our sleep, and our rest, that our bodies rebuild, regenerate, and rejuvenate. Of course, this is not only important for my healing, but for each and every one of us as well. So, I beg your forgiveness for not being able to finish this piece tonight, yet again, "tomorrow is a brand new day." :) Sweetest dreams to all and to all a good night or good day to all part of our beautiful world. Be at peace and be at rest. I look forward to meeting with you all again...
I thank you once again with all of my heart and all of my soul for being a part of Beam the Light Be the Change for this means so very much to me.
En Paz y amor...Maria Juarez Beam
Musical Selection: Earth, Wind, & Fire: "Be Ever Wonderful"
http://youtu.be/HpczLxWdOY4
Please enjoy until my return...peace & love to you all...:)
I have returned and certainly do hope that I can wrap this piece up tonight. I have two more pieces that I desire to write by this weekend and then I pack up and head back to California. :) I haven't even yet got to healing leg four, as of yet, and that is the healing journey I am now completing, and then of to begin life renewed, back in my home state. I shall save more about this in the Part Four of this healing series.
Alrighty, here we go, I do hope I can do justice to this leg of my journey in somewhat of a crunch. I will write the best I can tonight and if I need to come back to revisit this writing and to revise then I shall. Okay, so when I last left off I was giving a brief history of Stockton and the California Miwok Native Peoples; I also included some links for further research. I feel that the most important aspects of what I wish to share with this part of my healing journey are boiled down to three components. The components are: my wonderful and just amazing three male roommates, my revisiting of the University of the Pacific, and what it was like for me to go through every last piece of material possessions that I owned from a life that I had so fully loved.
With that now said, let me begin with going through my life..."I had the time to go through my life...what remained of my possessions, books, clothing, pictures, and my beautiful glassware. I had the rare opportunity to have my own life pass before me each and everyday. I kept a few things for myself and gave the remainder as gifts. What a gift it is to be able to release possessions and share a part of yourself of your life with an other..." This is actually from one of my very first post when I began this blog of Beam the Light Be the Change. I think it fits quite nicely into what I wish to say.
Each day that I had the strength and the courage to go through a box, I must have cried and cried so, so very much. Thank my blessed roommates, for they were all so very understanding. I found so many things that I didn't remember having and memories would spark. The pictures, let me tell you, is (for I am still going through them) the most difficult part. You see your babies and just how precious they were and you see the life you shared with the man you loved so very much. You see the homes, the gardens, the smiles, the joy, all of what you created in life from a small child to a grown adult woman...To be continued...Thank you for your patience and understanding...I have returned. I began to write last night and a well of tears just flowed and flowed. I needed to stop at the moment so could shed the pain that I was feeling inside, now I am ready to go...:)
All of these pictures are just so amazing to me. They are so much more precious than any gold. I have begun to sort them out, pictures for each of my sons, Preston and Alexander, and the pictures that I will keep for myself. I will share with you, that I nearly threw them all out for I was just so, so angry that my husband had left us through death. I didn't want any reminders left. Yet, thankfully, Matt, one of my beloved roommates said to me, "Maria, these are treasures, this is your family. You need to keep them, please Maria keep them." I give my full heartfelt thanks to Matt for his words, and all of the love, and the support that he had given to me during this very difficult time. So, the pictures I have and I shall have them until the day that I die.
Giving up possessions sometimes can seem an impossible task, especially, when you are down to the very last things that mean so much, yet I discovered a very valuable lesson. To let go of your possessions actually sets you free. This freedom was a beautiful gift that I gave to me. :) Oh, of course, I did keep the pictures, some clothes, (I love pretty clothes), a few pair of shoes, a purse, and a few things that had belonged to my boys. Oh, and a very valuable artifact from Peru. I managed to get my life into two and 1/2 suitcases...not too darn bad! ;)Now, on to my roommates, Colin, Matt, & Eric, oh what splendid and fine young men they are to me. Each one of them had given me their own special gifts. I will do my best to put it all into words. Colin was such a great listener, as they all were, and if I just needed to talk to someone he would always be there. I being older, and having sons of their age, truly helped me to understand, my sons so much better since they are so far away. Colin would always patiently listen to my words all the while shedding my tears. He always had such great words of wisdom and really good advice. And, it was Colin, who helped me set up and give me the encouragement to begin my blogsite. To Colin, I am truly grateful.
Matt, oh, my sweet wonderful Matt. Matt is a music major and he had the loveliest room set up in the house with so many instruments. It was always such splendor to hear him playing at all hours of the day and the night. That was so very healing for me. Music is balm to the soul and salve for the heart, and for one who is mending and hurting it is the perfect medicine. Being that the house was so musical, I felt really comfortable in singing away. I would sing while I cooked and I would sing in my room just to help me get the pain out or for sheer pleasure. I love to sing in Spanish, Italian, French, and occasionally in English. It wasn't until I left that I learned from Matt that my voice would ring throughout that old house and it seems that my singing was a gift for them as it was to me. Thank you my beautiful and tender Matt.
Now, there is Eric. Eric and I became so, so close. We were both upstairs and he was the room right across from mine. He and I would climb onto the roof and just talk and talk and we would get ever so silly. We would also cook together and oh my goodness, what a show we would put on dancin' and gettin crazzzy. We would get a good grooove on! :) We would have so much fun and of course, my Eric would always let me cry on his shoulder. I love that young man with all my heart and soul. We had become so very close, the best of friends. Eric touched my heart and today he still remains there. I love you Mr. Eric!
Now, for the finishing touches of this Part Three of my healing journey. As I had said earlier in the story, I also wanted to know if my brain would be ready to return back to school, back to my beloved University of the Pacific. I talked with deans and advisors. I attended lectures, forums, and Independent & Foreign Films just to see how my brain could handle it all. Oh, of course, I soaked all of this intellectual stimulation and activity, but I came to the realization that returning to school was not to be for me. It is okay, to not fully finish one's dream, I realized. What I gained from the University and from Humphreys was so valuable, so enriching, that I did achieve a dream. That is what matters the most and I take what I have learned and I share it with the world.My beautiful three months back in Stockton was an incredible time for me. I learned so much about me, I healed much of my heart and my pain, and I even was able to get the seizures under better control. Yet, there was one vital piece of the puzzle that I lacked, and that was strength and energy. These are very important components for a life full of vigor and full of all the beauty that one can behold...so leg four of my journey was to begin...in Clarinda, Iowa...
I shall now leave you all with another song and I will add a pictorial of Healing Journey Part Three for your added experience of being a part of me.
I thank each and every one of you again for joining me upon this healing journey. My hope is, that by my writing to you, what I experienced, that in some way, somehow it offers you gifts and offers you hope.
My love, peace and joy to you...paz y amor...
Maria Juarez Beam
Musical Selection: RBD "Incanzable"
http://youtu.be/uTmcbmu2068
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