Leaving All the Old Behind and...

...starting anew

This is what I am doing...

I am just about finished going through what is left of my life... behind...

And I simply needed to stop and share...

There is not much left of what I had...mostly the love and memories within my heart...

Yet, what is left, and what I will take with me, still bring me to my knees in tears...

Old birthday cards from my husband Brian passed, telling me how much he loves me and he couldn't ask for better...

How we will be spending the remainder of our lives together...

He is not here...only me...I still yearn for him to be at my side...

I don't know if that feeling will ever go away...if anyone truly knows how much his leaving this planet at the age of 42 has dented and impacted my heart...

Cards and pictures of my sons, grown men now...

Yes, I know that they must lead their own lives, but I never imagined we would be so far apart, it is so painful to have everyone either gone or so far away...

Cards from my mother...I truly miss my mom...if I say much more about her right now, I'm afraid those tears will cascade and I have to get back to my packing...(I shall write about my beloved mother Guadalupe Landeros Juarez Beam in a post just for her)

Cards from friends past, reminding me how much I made a difference in their lives...

Remembering friends and times, my beloved University of the Pacific and Humphreys...

And all of the amazing people who have touched my life these past 51 soon to be 52 years...


If my heart could only explain all of this pain as I pack for my new life...

Setting out in this world...what feels like...alone...

Yet, this is a dream that I have been wanting to fulfill for a very long time...

Right now, it is just so hard to keep the tears from streaming feeling as if...I am leaving everything behind me...

I shall love my beloved Mexico and whatever lies ahead of me in my future...

For now, I must take each day, each step, moment by moment...

And, new life shall begin and shall grow and flourish...

What lies ahead?...well, I will share with all of you along my new path...life is forever evolving and changing...

I thank you so for allowing me to share for this is one way for me to keep carrying on  when I feel so little left...

I thank you for allowing me to express my pain, my grief, my sadness, my anger, whether it be my own personal or pain for the world...

My love to all of you my dearest readers of BeamthelightBetheChange...You keep giving me hope to Beam my light and Beam my love...Muchas gracias con todo de me corazon...Maria

Maria Juarez Beam
Maria Juarez Boheme Beam

Musical Selection: The Fugees: "Killing me Softly"

http://youtu.be/F751YR-U-hA

I chose this song because I feel as if I am hearing the song of my life being sung deep in my heart...

WE ARE ALL GAZA...

You and I...we are Gaza...

We share the blood of the human race...

Yet, at this moment as I write...

Too many tears are steaming down my face...

Too many lives, too many are dying...in Gaza...

I have to write to all of you tonight, although I would love to scream...!

I have too many tears, my life feels torn, my heart feels as if it is dying...

FOR I TOO, AM GAZA...

I hear the screams of the children and the woman...

I hear the men crying for their dead...

I hear the missiles...I hear their dread...

Last night I had such great hopes at the protest I attended in San Francisco, California, USA...

We all, so many of us together, chanted and sang with all of our hearts for the suffering and the destruction in Gaza...

The feeling of being with others, who are as you, gives you a great feeling of elation...

Tonight there is no reason for celebration...

For you see, babies are dying, children are dying, women are dying, men are dying...

Gaza is crying...

And I am crying...

The people of Gaza are strong...

Amongst all this mayhem...

Every morning in Gaza we hear the call to prayer...

This is what binds the people...this is what gives them some solace...that together they all belong...

It is beautifully haunting to hear the prayers as bombs drop...yet the prayers continue...

We are all Gaza...you and I...

Stand with me and cry...

Stand with me and fight...

Stand with me and yell out with all of your might...

WE ARE ALL GAZA...AND WE ARE ALL WITH YOUR PLIGHT...

GAZA YOU ARE NOT ALONE...WE ARE HERE...WE ARE ALL GAZA...

Never give up your fight Gaza...many of us are here with you. Please know that we are watching, feeling helpless, but we are doing all that we can to keep you safe, keep you loved, and keep you within our deepest of hearts. All of my love to you beloved and dearest Gaza...Maria

Maria Juarez Beam...
Maria Juarez Boheme Beam...

 

 

Musical Selection: Maher Zain "Palestine Will Be Free"

 

http://youtu.be/foSbqLi6U10

 

Please send all you love, light, and blessing to Palestine

 

Viva Palestina por siempre...Le amo mucho Palestina, Maria

 

 

UN ANGEL CAYO...

 

AN ANGEL FELL

 

UN ANGEL MURIO...

 

AN ANGEL DIED

 

UN ANGEL SE FUE...

 

AN ANGEL LEFT

 

UN ANGEL YA NO VOLVERIA...

 

AN ANGEL WILL NOT RETURN...

 

I dedicate these lyrics to all the angel childen who have died during the past four days in Gaza.

 

From the song

"CUANDO LOS ANGELES LLORAN" By my most beloved Mana

WHEN THE ANGELS CRY

 

Gracias a Mana y a todos de BeamtheLightBetheChange

PAZ Y AMOR POR SIEMPRE...

 

 

My Beloved Readers...

...of BeamtheLightbetheChange

I wish to share with you tonight at 7:54 pm Pacific Standard Time in California USA that I am returning to my writings. :)

I am feeling the need to return to my passion...my writing...

I am finally weaning off of my crutches and I am actually able to walk sometime without a crutch at all...

This is making a huge difference for me for I am now feeling as if life is returning back to Maria...

I must say it is more difficult than I perceived...

It is truly as learning how to walk once again...

Yet, this gives me great happiness within my heart...Oh, to be on two feet once again...:)

I am beginning by editing my posts from when I first began BeamtheLightBetheChange back in May of this year...

If you happen to see any re-posts this is the reason why...

I felt the need to do some cleaning up, perhaps change a musical selection, and to add more writing to a post if needed...

This is good for me to do for I can see the birth of this blog and where it has taken me to today...

It shall take me some time...but it will get done...

And yes, in the meantime, I shall write about The Zapatistas, Tears of Gaza, and more about the American Indian...

I shall return to my series of peoples around the globe past and present who have been, continue to be, or are in great struggle...

I also, will of course, continue with my poetry...this seems to be my forte..

BeamtheLightBetheChange is an eclectic mix of many things...it is much as I am...quite eclectic... ;)

Rather than delve into that subject tonight, I think I just received an inspiration for a future poem...:)

It's funny, when you begin something, and you feel as if you know exactly how you want it to evolve, and then it seems to take a life of its own...this is most certainly what BeamtheLightbetheChange has been for me...

This of very often how life is...so I simply accept, embrace, and write what I feel within...

I do have great wanting of my writings to beam some light into your lives and with any hope, bring change as well...personally and globally...

Please be well all of my wonderful and delightful readers. You are in my heart and I send much love, joy, light, and peace to each and everyone of you...

All my love,
Maria

Maria Juarez Boheme Beam

I shall explain the added Boheme in a future post (if you take a good look at Beam and Boheme you may be able to see it for yourself, but it is a story dear to my heart that I shall share with you soon.) 

Paz y amor...

Musical Selection: "Labios Compartidos" Mana from their Album Amar Es Combatir...To Love is to Battle

http://youtu.be/U41nba_S3_g


In today's world there is love, but we also must fight for love so that it will become our permanent state of being. Mana just happens to be LO MAXIMO, the ULTIMATE group of my heart...They are from Guadalajara, Mexico...and playing in Guadalajara, Mexico on my birthday on December 7th! And to me, they are just staight up sexy...;)

A Time 4 LOVE...

It is late and I am very tired, yet I felt compelled to write to all of you my beloved readers here at BeamtheLightBetheChange. A great sensation came within me, upon me, and enveloped me...I want to share LOVE TONIGHT...

The elections are now over and we know that Barack Obama will be our President for four more years. Many are working so hard on the East Coast of the United States and in Puerto Rico, the Bahamas, Cuba, and Haiti to help those who have been devastated by Hurricane Sandy. Many are grieving in Guatemala after their horrific earthquake. Still many are suffering greatly in the Middle East from, war, drone strikes, and the taking of land. So many lack food, work, clean water, or descent pay for their hard labor across the globe. 

This is a great time for love...love...love, pure love.
 It is a time to put our selfish needs, wants, thoughts, and desires aside; it is a time to truly take a look at all of those in greater need. Perhaps, see your fellow human in a new light...we have no idea what their circumstance in life could be or had been. Whether they be a "criminal," an immigrant, a person asking for money on the street, a person digging for cans in your recycling bin, someone with sagging pants, or someone talking to themselves on the street...who are we to know, and who are we to judge.

If we could simply fill our hearts with love and send that love out to a person we may otherwise perhaps judge. This is a time for the reaching out of hands, the reaching out of kindness, the reaching out of LOVE. 


This is a simple post tonight, but as I shared, I simply felt compelled. We are all in need of each other at this time, at this moment...can we be there with open arms of pure, tender, and innocent love.


LET US ALL GIVE LOVE A CHANCE...IT WILL ALTER HUMANITY...

All my love as always to all...Maria

Maria Juarez Beam...Paz y amor to all...

Musical Selection: "The Prayer of Saint Francis" John Michael Talbot...Just felt appropriate once again...:)

http://youtu.be/iv9wV9eE5TM

So sorry with this link you have to copy and past into a new tab...usually you are able to simply click on the link and it goes straight to the song...

Thank you so much for your reading my very simple words of my heart...  


"The world is not interested in what we do for a living. What they are interested in is what we have to offer freely--hope, strength, love, and the power to make a difference!" -Sasha Azevedo 



We can all make a difference in every effort whether large or small...always remember this. Love, Maria

APOLOGIES...to all of you...

A

I have many apologies to make...

I have not kept my word...

And, as many of you know, this is very important to me...

I promised to finish the post about the Zapatistas and Subcomandante Marcos...

I promised "Tears of Gaza" that I would write a review, my sentiments about this most powerful film...

Yet, as you well know, I have not yet completed these things...

I am sorry with my full heart...

After seeing the film "Tears of Gaza," my heart has been torn apart...

And quite honestly, I just have no words to write as of yet, for only my heart contains them at this time...

I have been silenced...I have been devastated, and I have been fully humbled...

So at this moment, I ask your forgiveness for having been silent when I promised to speak...

I pray that you give me just a little more time...time to pull the voice and the pain out of my heart...

I ask you to give me the opportunity to be within my very heart and soul to comprehend this deep, deep sorrow contained...

I shall write again and I know that it will be soon...

I can feel the feelings, the words, the cuts, and the stabs beginning to unravel...

...Beginning to wish to speak out again and share with you about "Tears of Gaza" and to share with you about my beloved Zapatistas...

I thank you for always being faithful, patient, and understanding of whatever it is that presents itself within my life...

That prevents me from sharing my voice with all of you my beloved readers of BeamtheLightBetheChange...

It is always...temporary...

My voice shall ring out to all of you once again...

My love to all of you always and may we always spread, love, goodness, and precious kindness to each other...

Peace and love...Paz y amor, Maria

Maria Juarez Beam...

Wanting To Be Held...To Be Touched Again...

Yes, my San Francisco Giants are in the World Series...!!! :)

So this picture befits...

Yet, I mainly chose this picture due to the intent look within my eyes...almost as if they have tears...

I feel it quite apropos for this post...

Forgive me if I have used it in the past...for some reason it speaks to me tonight...

As many of you know, who visit me regularly, I am recovering from a serious fracture of the tibia...

I am healing and recovering, yet it has been a long road...

I have not been sleeping well at night...

This could be due to the leg, but at 5:30 am Pacific Standard Time after being up since 2:00 am PST...I came to a conclusion...

I want to be held and to be touched again...

I could feel it within the very core of my inner depths...the yearning strings of a harp wanting to be played...

A few tears flowed as I was lying there sleepless in bed...

Also, wondering, what does it take to get someone to hold you, to touch you, and to love you once again...

It has been eight long years now since my husband passed...

Yes, I have had "boyfriends," even several marriage proposals, yet at the time, it was just not right...

Now, I feel that I have mourned him as he deserves...

 I am pining, longing for deep compassionate love...

For someone to hold me each night...to touch my face, and my long hair...

There is nothing more majical then the power of touch...

I could melt and sleep as a babe in a man's arms once again...

I feel I am finally ready...

Yet, who out there is ready for me...?

Well, here goes Maria again baring her deepest soul, her wide open heart. I thank each of you with all of my heart for reading my words, for my writing them to you, helps me to understand myself better each day, and to become better. I am given the opportunity to truly understand what it is that I truly need. With all the depths of my heart...I thank you. May love be with all of you and may each of you have someone to hold each night. It is a precious gift...

All my love to all, Maria

Maria Juarez Beam

“So she thoroughly taught him that one cannot take pleasure without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it. She taught him that after a celebration of love the lovers should not part without admiring each other, without being conquered or having conquered, so that neither is bleak or glutted or has the bad feeling of being used or misused.”
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha Quote courtesy of http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/touch

"Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body's deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body's superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity."

Henri Nouwen   Quote courtesy of http://blog.gaiam.com/quotes/topics/touch

 

                  "Touch and love everyone...it is a beautiful gift to the heart and to the soul." Maria Juarez Beam

 

 

Musical Selection: Mana "Lluvia al Corazon"

 

http://youtu.be/p5k8BPMndao

 

Rain of the Heart...

 

Music in any language speaks to us all...please do enjoy...:)

 

Rebels, Champions of Peace...The Zapatistas & Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos

This is an older post that I thought I would share. I have much more to share...this is only the beginning. May you enjoy the journey with me...

Perhaps you have heard of the Zapatistas in Chiapas, Mexico...

Perhaps you have not...

The Zapatistas, also know as EZLN...Erecito Zapatista de Liberacion National...

If you have then, you have been blessed with a gift of knowing of such incredible peoples...

People who had faced some of the greatest challenges and overcame...still overcoming difficulties, but strong and never giving up...

These are true champions & people of true heart...

Pictured above is Subcomandate Insurgente Marcos who had/has been the leader of the Zapatista Movement...

He is a gifted man of great words, of love & care, & concern for all of the world's oppressed, of a lion's & a lamb's heart...

It was January 1st, 1994 when the true rebellion began...when NAFTA had been in first effect...

Chiapas is the southern most state of Mexico and the most impoverished...

Indigenous Mayan Indians had been farming the land for thousands of years...

Yet, NAFTA would take this away...

With the assistance of United States weaponry, the Mexican Government & military invaded the State of Chiapas to overrun the rebellion & to take over land...

Heartbreaking and unconscionable...

I will share with you what I remember of this time, also the activism that I became involved in, and also some links and some more history. Yet, for tonight, I must say goodnight. I always begin thinking that I will finish, but then I realize that in order to do any of my pieces their due justice...I need my sleep for after my medication kicks in for my epilepsy, I am one sleepy girl. I thank all of you for your patience and understanding.

This is part of my series of oppressed peoples around the globe, either past or present...yet, not in the future. In this, I have great hope. I realize I still need to finish a piece about American Indians, which I shall complete. I felt compelled to write about the Zapatistias at this time.

So for now good night & I shall return tomorrow to hopefully complete this piece. In the meantime I shall attach a few links, pics, and words of Zapatista wisdom...:)

All my love as always, Maria

Maria Juarez Beam...Paz y amor por siempre

http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2011/01/20111183946608868.html



“We hold a dialogue to find a peaceful solution to the conflict. That's why we hold a dialogue.” Subcomandante Marcos...Quote courtesy of http://thinkexist.com/quotes/subcomandante_marcos/


"You have to give people hope.." Subcomandante Marcos SOURCE: Guardian Unlimited 2012-10-
15 11:11:00
Quotes courtesy of http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/topic/Subcomandante-Marcos/quotes/

PAZ